Becoming. A Journey to Motherhood - The Pandemic Edition - Siobhan's Story

I found out I was pregnant on Sunday 24th November while waiting for a roast.

And I gave birth Monday 13th July 2020 @ 01.55am at Basildon hospital

Being pregnant for the first time in a pandemic was exciting at first being able to share my experience with the children at my pre-school setting, then the confusion of how safe am I at work. By 23rd March was put on furlough. I had no midwife to contact as she was shielding and was like a rat race to get hold of a midwife at times but when I did they were pretty helpful. Three months of isolation was great to begin with but then the anxiety kicked in wondering what the hell was actually going to happen. I loved the sunny days, relaxing in the garden and of course the classic baking. We spent 6/8 weeks doing jobs around the house and get the nursery completed, not that he’s in there yet.... How much walking can you do? How many box sets can you watch? When shall I do my hospital bag? I want to go to the shops to get baby items but I was isolating. These were all the questions I asked daily.

The birth process: Due date: 18th July 2020 Born 13th July 2020 I ended up having Arlo 5 days earlier because I went for a blood test 2 weeks before 3rd July (Day before my baby shower which I was really excitedly be able to see my friends and family as lockdown had just finished) and when they checked my blood pressure it was really high plus they noticed how swollen my feet were (obviously I’d reported this but was brushed off with the hot weather) they thought it was preeclampsia. They wanted to induce me there and then but I refused as I wasn’t mentally prepared and knowing I was going to be on my own I needed to prepare myself, I ended up having to stay on Friday-Sunday as they needed to monitor my blood pressure. It felt like hell....

I had been booked in to be induced on the Sunday 12th in the morning ( not sleeping the night before) I was taken to a room and finally the temperature had gone down and all I remembered was the aircon was too cold. I had a great trainee midwife who did my induction at 10:30 am she was really friendly. I remember I’d downloaded good girls and another series on my iPad to keep me entertained as I was alone. It was quite depressing and the more pain I experienced the harder it was to speak to my family as I felt I would break down crying because I didn’t want to be alone and I wanted to remain calm as I didn’t want to upset the baby with my blood pressure being high and was on strong medication to be taken 3 times a day.

By 10pm I was 5cm and fully contracting I would do the inward breathing to get through. When my partner arrived around midnight I’d taken to the gas and air but I wasn’t keen, it was stopping me from pushing as I was having to think about taking the breaths.

I’d refused all other pain relief as I then got to 10cm wanting to push but baby wasn’t ready and he turned back to back and heart rate had dropped.

So they told me I needed an emergency C section. All I remember was being rushed into a room with lots of lights and people saying how quickly they needed me to get onto the bed and to be sedated. A needle in my arm tube down my throat and a cold sensation on my stomach. I woke struggling to breath but saw this bright orange hat in the arms of my partner, the midwife said would you like to know what you have. When I heard the words boy I was instantly in love but had no idea what this baby boy looked like but his name was Arlo 💚 I was absolutely gutted as I had all the plans for delayed cord clamping and breastfeeding straight away but because I’d been put to sleep Arlo had to be bottle fed. I was so out of it I had no idea who I even was until the next morning and the morphine had worn off.

The aftercare: I had brilliant midwives and health assistants on the ward on the first 2 days even though I was totally out of it I felt like I arrived in the middle of the night into a ward and by the morning it felt like I’d been taken to another ward. I felt like I’d been hit by a bus, I remember being woken up and asked if I’d fed the baby but I had no idea if he had or hadn’t I asked if someone could feed him for me. Now thinking about it I wished they insisted I breast fed him (they may of but have no idea actually) Once it was light it was the strangest feeling being alone with 3 strangers and 3 little cots all been through a different experience. I did feel lonely to know I had to wait until the afternoon to see my partner but when he did it was the best feeling watching him cradle Arlo. I felt sore and grubby knowing I haven’t left my bed apart from trying to get the baby when needing a feed. I don’t really know how I changed him or actually got him out each time. The next day the midwife helped me out of bed into the chair and showed me different ways of feeding! I felt a massive sense of achievement. I went home that night and was spoilt by my family running around after us but to also see the love in their eyes; it was like that’s it he’s spoilt 😂 Days after, all was very strange I spent most of it in bed until lunch time to then coming down stairs. The pain to laugh, to sit or get up was unreal. It was then I realised I really didn’t read enough about c sections with the 8 week infection was terrible too.

Life in lockdown started out ok as I had my partner for 2 weeks then my mum and mother in law doing different days to help and take me out. I have up and down days where I feel great then crap out of boredom and not seeing my friends and family, I feel that I had some good months then just as you’re getting into the swing of things attending baby groups, walks, holidays, meal to it been wiped from under you. Knowing in 4 months I will be going back to work and Arlo will attend nursery, I am worried who will have the separation anxiety more because it’s been jut the two of us in the week. More than anything I think I lost a bit of communication skills, which I know will bounce back when I’m back in the face to face world and motivation to go out even for a walk.

Arlo is so outgoing and loves people, I’ve been pretty lucky to have a close support bubble to help as I really struggled to carry the baby, get out of bed each time he needed a feed at the beginning. He’s met a few other babies but have no idea what he will be like when we’re able to meet other people.

Lots of new parents have lost the most important skill of being able to socialise and speak to other new mums for tips and also allow the babies to build their communication and social skills of their new surroundings of others and bound. Some mums are first time mums who wanted this time to learn about their child, routine etc. and second time mums that wanted to experience it differently in their way but have the struggles of home schooling and your home being more upside down than normal. Obviously great help if you have older children to help but primary school children must be hard. I’d love to be given an extra 3 months from lockdown being lifted to experience maternity leave properly.

Siobhan

First Time Mum