Becoming. A Journey to Motherhood - The Pandemic Edition - Emma's Story
I found out I was pregnant on December 16th 2019. When we found out I was around 4/5 weeks pregnant. It was pure shock as we had been trying for over a year.
Our little newborn baby boy was born on August 16th 2020 at Basildon Hospital in Essex.
I was pregnant during most of the pandemic. At the start, due to me having a physical high demanding job (dog groomer) I loved being off, I was able to enjoy being pregnant. The weather was lovely, going for walks I really enjoyed it. However my partner unable to attend appointments with me was a huge upset, my little boy was measuring big throughout whole pregnancy so I had extra appointments and scans which can be worrying at the best of times especially going on your own.
I was induced at 39 weeks + 3. I got admitted on/at 39 weeks at my scan but due to the hospital being so busy I was on a ward for 2 days without them doing anything to me. Yet I was not allowed to go home and be with my partner.
You was supposed to be tested Covid on entering the hospital and I had been given a covid test after a day of being in the hospital already, which really made no sense.
I got induced on Friday 14th (my partners birthday) and my contractions started within 5 hrs of them inducing me. Throughout the night on the lard ward (On my own) contractions were hyper stimulating (not stopping and no breaks in-between) I had to have an injection to stop them as the baby was getting very stressed due to constant contractions. Throughout all of this, which was a lot to go through I was still on my own at this point.
The next day I got moved to a birthing suite, my partner was finally allowed to be with me. I had been given the hormone drip, this was put in through my hand. I had to stop-start due to my babys heart rate increasing. The Midwives then broke my waters for me, and I opted for an epurial. After hours there was no progress. Then the next morning I was taken for an emergency C-section. They didn’t check my Covid results until I went into theatre, makes sense?
And our Surprise Baby boy arrived 10.17am Sunday 16th August ♥️
Having a C-section was brutal, not being able to move or change my own babies first nappy or put him into his first little outfit was so upsetting. I was home by Monday afternoon. They basically kicked me out, very surprising as I could barely walk. I think due to Covid they wanted the new mums and babies out ASAP.
Life in lockdown
Since August having Vinnie we hadn’t been in full lockdown but we were in the tier system. The huge blow is obviously things such as baby groups & soft plays being open/closed continuously. The bookings I had made we’ve cancelled & our swimming lessons were cancelled to.
Not being able to take Vinnie out for dinner in a restaurant and having that first experience as a family of 3 has been a real shame. However I feel fortune that he was/is only a few months old so we’ve still got time ♥️
As a first time mum, I do feel as if we’ve had the first part off his life taken away from us. As you do have a vision on how it was be with your first baby, for example meeting new mums, going to baby classes around Essex, and other exciting things to do just you and your baby. Being in January & the news threatening another lockdown is just scary & crap. For Vinnie not to be able to meet some of his family & grandparents (who live in Spain) is just so sad.
I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Technically my maternity leave ends in April and I feel as if I’ve done nothing with Vinnie other than indoors & lots of outdoor walks just us two.
The first 3 weeks after having Vinnie I think I cried every single day, recovering from the c section, breastfeeding & not being able to see friends & family, it has been very lonely.
When things started to open up again & being able to see family/friends, I found it very difficult to let go & let people have control of Vinnie, I felt very protective & possessive over him. Not wanting to let people feed him or holding him. I just wanted to keep him close. Obviously this pandemic does not help with me being anxious.
I am starting to feel much more relaxed & happier now though actually. I think we’ve all had to accept what’s going on & realise that we will eventually get the time we have lost with our babies. I now feel lucky to have a happy healthy baby boy, I’m healthy & I’ve got an amazing life.
I wouldn’t say it’s affected my baby, he is only little still & won’t remember what’s been going on around him. Thankfully.
The first time in lockdown I was pregnant, I just had myself to think about & exercise/eat healthy for my growing baby. This time round I’ve had to adapt to my new life with my baby boy & my new mum life, which has been lonely at times also a HUGE adjustment. Unfortunately I haven’t got my mum to ask for advice or reassurance, my dad also lives in Scotland & brother Newcastle. Our family is all other the place. Fortunately, I have a twin sister who has been a huge help but I do love my new life.
It’s very hard not to start thinking “Oh what/how life would have been different without covid for us” but you can’t think like that, you can become very low & negative.
I think that maternity units simply should have always been able to have your partner with you. Throughout scans, appointments & throughout whole labour. It’s really not something we should go through alone.
Emma Jade Parlane
First Time Mum 2020
