Becoming. A Journey to Motherhood - The Pandemic Edition

I found out I was expecting on the 29th February 2020, and my daughter Teddie was born on the 29th October 2020 10.16am.

Location - Southend hospital

Being pregnant in a pandemic, well it was ok. I wouldn’t say I had the full happy experience of being pregnant for the first time as I spent most of it in bed, my pregnancy was high risk and I was so scared I was going to catch Covid, I just didn’t do anything. Going to my appointments alone also took the excitement out of everything as I didn’t get the share that with anyone even though I am a single mum it would have been nice to share Teddies very first scan with my mum or sister.
The sonographer was very cold towards me as well. He didn’t make me feel calm or at ease and didn’t speak to me the whole way through the 12 weeks scan. I laid there holding back my tears, I was full of worry as I was in the scan for nearly 2 hours and I didn’t have a clue what was going on! Luckily it was just because she was a little wriggle bum and wouldn’t sit in place for the sonographer to check her measurements. Life in lockdown was very boring really, I had really bad sickness so I spent a lot of it with my head down the toilet and in bed chilling or sleeping, and there was nothing else I could do! We also spent a lot of time together as a family appreciating what really matters in life. I can’t say much else as I really did just try to take it easy.

I do feel all the stress and anxiety I was feeling because of the virus, and have going to scans and midwife appointments alone may have had an effect on my baby’s development. At her 36 week scan I was told she had a slight heart complication, her right atrium is enlarged and they didn’t know why. Even specialists at the Royal Brompton didn’t know why this may be either.
This news just made the last few weeks of my pregnancy full of more worry and stress, never the less Teddie was born and they looked into her heart the complication is still there and her right valve isn’t fully closed but they was confident she was fine and is doing great she is a happy healthy chubby little girl and I couldn’t be more proud of her my little miracle!

I was induced on her due date 28th October as instructed by the Brompton, my waters broke at 11.30pm and I thought I was in labour with the pain I was already getting. Only to find out I wasn’t, and by 6am I was still only 1cm!!
I was going to be put on the drip to speed things along and they then changed their minds and said they wanted to try the gel as the drip would make the pain even more intense and I wasn’t far along enough. However this caused Teddies heartrate to spike. To resolve this I was put on a fluid drip but for her safety, the midwives said we needed to get her out. I had to have an emergency C section.
In all honesty my whole world shattered the minute I heard that and my ears just went blank, they were speaking to me but I couldn’t hear nothing. I was in a trance, I was so scared. It may sound dramatic but I was scared for Teddies life and for mine I didn’t think I would get through it. As soon as the doctors left I was in hysterics, uncontrollably crying. Luckily by now my mum was there to cuddle me and trying to calm me down but I was distraught.
But I did it and Teddie was born from emergency C section at 10.16am her little cry was the best thing I had ever heard! Both I and my mum burst into tears of relief. Due to her heart she was immediately whisked away from me to intensive care as she was resuscitated 3 times and I wasn’t able to hold her or get to see her again until 5.30pm that evening.

I didn’t feel my aftercare was good at all. Once I got the feeling back in my legs, I had to wear a catheter, the hook broke and the midwife said “Oh that’s ok” but didn’t give me another so when I went to see my daughter for the first time I had to somehow hang it off my wheelchair, awful!
I was also put on a ward that was full of new mothers with their babies. I was right at the end next to the toilet. I felt like I had been forgotten about, I didn’t have my baby with me at all and wasn’t even able to see her. I did nothing but cry.
Originally I was told I would be put in a side room due to the fact I wasn’t able to have my baby with me but nope was shoved on the end in a ward full of new love, having to listen to all the other mums bond with their beautiful little ones. My meal order never got put through either, so I was also left without anything to eat, and I hadn’t eaten since 7am. The day I was discharged I asked if I could go see my daughter they said to wait until I was discharged as it wouldn’t be long. Which was obviously a lie as I didn’t get to see her again all day.
This all really took a toll on my mental health I was on the phone to my family crying 24/7 I was distraught.

One positive was that I did get to stay with Teddie when she was in intensive care, in a private room. I loved it as I was finally reunited with my baby, even though we were stuck in a little tiny room. I found it really difficult as I was hardly able to move due to the pain. I couldn’t keep getting in and out of the bed to see to Teddie and the midwives made it very clear you can’t sleep with the baby in the bed with you. For the 3 days we was there I didn’t sleep at all, add that on top of the other days from being induced I was totally exhausted. Which I think made me more emotional. The aftercare I received I thought was awful but I cannot fault the hospital for their care with Teddie they was brilliant and very thorough they made sure she was 100% before discharging her. It was very hard but I would do it 100 times over to get my little miracle!

Throughout this whole journey of becoming a mother in the middle of a global pandemic I have had a mixture of emotions, from happy, excited, worried, stressed and sad. But now I’m on cloud 9, having Teddie really turned my world around for the better. It’s hard don’t get me wrong but it’s so rewarding at the same time.

The only thing I feel that has affected my baby in any way is I feel that it may be the reason for the heart complication but regardless of that she is such a happy girl, she is always smiling at us and cooing 💕

I really do think that the treatment towards maternity should have been done differently. They should have allowed your birthing partner at all appointments and the whole way through your birth not just scheduled times or when you are in active labour as you really do need the support the whole way through.

Maddison Sydney-Smith
First Time Mum